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5 Ways Sex Pressure From Men Kills Female Desire

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Sex in a committed relationship is said to be bed-shaking, neighbor-waking and anxiety-freeing. If that’s true, then how come a committed relationship is when many of us stop wanting it?

As many of us know, it only takes one partner’s focus on an actual or anticipated sexual dysfunction to disconnect both during the act. It might even affect their desire in the future.

Men who ejaculate in 1.9 seconds may even condition their romantic partners to become sexually inert and unenthusiastic to compensate for their lack of sexual mastery. Whether we’d like to admit it or not, the partner with the least desire for sex, always controls the frequency and quality of sex.

Let’s look at a stereotypical relationship. For instance using names of James and Marie. James wants sex three times a week, but Marie prefers sex every 10 days. This indifference typically causes 5 basic problems. These problems, like an avalanche, buries erotic desire in a committed relationship.

1) Women Are More Sexually Active Before the Relationship.

Despite marriages offering emotional security, the increasing value of one’s partner challenge sexual desire . Unfortunately, the comfort of letting someone into your heart tends to turn couples into approval-seeking robots rather than erotically exploring partners. As James pressures Marie to “spice up” sex, Marie loses the desire to even try. So James tries to make Marie want sex.

2) Make Woman Want Sex.

As a man, we have been culturally conditioned that being a “good lover” reinforces our masculinity in the same way a boy allegedly becomes a man when he “scores” sex for the first time. This conditioning has taught James that his sense of self comes from part of his sex life. As a result, he “needs” Marie to respond to his sexual advances in order to validate his masculinity.

When James was a bachelor, he measured his self-worth by how many women desired him and how aroused they became when they were with him. here is a valuable message all men need to hear about female sexual desire: Women are not interested in having sex with their partners when their partner is more interested in using sex to demonstrating prowess rather than cultivate intimacy.
As James struggled to understand Maries sexual disinterest, he blamed her gender training. He told her she was sexually inadequate instead of confronting his feelings of sexual inadequacy. His blame blinded him to the truth about himself.
So when Marie doesn’t respond to his advances, he attacked her.

3) Blaming Woman.

As James blames the lack of sex on Marie’s low desire, Marie is less inclined to open up her erotic book. Never has blaming someone for not having the capacity to be sexual ever motivated someone to be more sexual. As James attempts to make Marie want sex (and him), she wants it less. James’s accusations have forced her into a sexually defeated corner regarding her sexual ability, desire, and initiations.

There was no way for Marie to gain sexual “status” by increasing her sexual desire, because any success would validate that James was right. Not to mention James acts as if hurting Marie’s feelings will make her more likely to have sex with him. It does quite the opposite.

4) Woman Is Unmotivated To Improve Sex.

With very little to gain and very little to lose, Marie is unmotivated to improve sex. She has already forfeited her sexual competence to his blame game. As Marie becomes more closed off from sex, James begins to fear looking inadequate. This fuels his desperate attempts to keep her interested in sex.

5) Man’s Dependence Makes Him Powerless and Less Desirable.

In a relationship like this women often have a paradoxical experience. They feel inadequate, yet powerful.
When Marie was angry with James, she could jerk James’s leash by not responding, turning him into a needy boy desperate to validate his masculinity. When she wasn’t angry, his little boy neediness was unattractive. His pressure to increase Marie’s sexual desire made him powerless. It pushed their relationship into sexual gridlock.

Frequent invitations allowed Marie to remain passive. She could have as much sex as she wanted, when she wanted, without ever initiating it.
James, like many men, was totally dependent on what the woman did. While men are to blame for this, so are women, because the woman in this context is conditioning her man to badger her for sex. A relationship always takes two to tango.
The solution requires an uncomfortable effort from both partners. It requires personal growth. The man must learn how to hold on to himself in times of a disinterested partner, while the woman must learn how to boldly explore her sexuality and rebel against shame or cultural norms. The man needs to break free from the shackles that his masculinity is defined by his sexual performance.
Both partners need to learn how to stop being slaves to the perceptions of other people. It requires taking on self worth issues so we can feel better about ourselves to feel less defective. To become a master of our wild erotic sexuality. Pressuring our partners to measure up to our sexual standards is not a way to have more sex.

Low sexual desire is a signal for both partners to grow. It’s a calling in the lack of passion that’s encouraging you to reach your highest potential as a lover and person. Sexual mastery is not a journey for the faint of heart. It requires facing anxiety, self-worth issues, and overcoming perceptions that disinhibit our sexuality. Release the pressure to measure up sexually and rise to the challenge of mastering yourself.

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Can Love And Money Be Intertwined?

3,174 total views, 15 views today

By Joash Kalogoyi

As we approach Valentine’s Day, many couples have made plans to go to the most lavish hang outs in Kampala, purchase expensive gifts, book expensive hotels and buy expensive clothes just to celebrate their love.

So could it be that you need money to make love in this generation and age? Stories of students spending their tuition for Valentine’s Day, people getting in debt and others resorting to crime to be specific theft just to prove that they love their partners on Valentine’s Day. Is it really worth it?

Mostly, this is due to pride an vanity every couple wants the most expensive gifts, best hotel and restaurant reservation, the biggest bouquet of roses goes experts.

Back then the saying went money can’t buy love yet it seems nowadays one needs lots of money to make love, this leaves the question what went wrong with love?, how’s love back then different from love nowadays?

According to experts money is deep twined in love as most divorces are as result of money and most couples talk about money before getting married.

The reason why it’s like that experts argue that because of the stability brought by money however further claim money can’t do everything citing the law of diminishing returns am more money maynot guarantee more happiness.

Although having money can create the best memories that’s trips abroad, dinner at the best restaurant, a night in the suites however this ain’t all is needed to feel happy.

Experts continue saying that finding out what you have in common with your partner and capitalizing on it could make you as a couple just as happy as another that spent a night a good restaurant or trip abroad.

Small things like making dinner together, watching a movie, listening to music just to mention but a few could make a huge difference yet money isn’t involved.

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SK Mbuga’s Wife Pens Down Emotional Letter To Rotting In Jail Husband

4,666 total views, 11 views today

By Samuel Frencha

It’s  nearly a year since socialite and business man SK Mbuga was arrested in Uganda and jailed in Dubai over fake gold deal but his wife Vivianne has only words of appreciation about him.

Vivianne has penned down an emotional letter to Mbuga who was arrested over allegations of conniving with her to defraud  Sten Heinsoo, a Swedish man, money worth UGshs 23 billion in a ‘fake gold deal’ thanking him for all he has done for her in her life.

The letter reads:

“I know my life is not perfect but i thank u for all u’ve given me, the roof over my head,the fancy material things, the food on my table plus alot more. Am so sorry if i’ve ever been ungreatful lord. Someone is dying rite now, someone is dying of hunger.

Someone has lost a mother or father lord atleast am alive plus my family. Thank you for giving us life. My husband’s situation is not good now but I know it’s not permanent. Thanx for giving him life. I’ll forever be greatful lord.” she posted on her social media.

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8 Common Sex Problems And How To Solve Them

4,020 total views, 11 views today

The next time you’re standing in line at the grocery store, check out the glossy headlines of the women’s magazines that line the stands: “What Men Hate Most in Bed” or “What He Wants You to Know, but Will Never Say.” Men’s magazines echo the same theme: “What You Should Never Say to a Woman in Bed,” “Why She Won’t Have Sex With You.” We all want to know: what are my partner’s sexual complaints? What can I do about them?

The truth is, both men and women tend to complain about the same things when it comes to sex, particularly when they’re in a long-term relationship. Here are eight of the most common complaints I hear from couples, along with suggestions to turn a partner’s frown upside down.

1. Laziness.

If your partner has stopped doing his or her share between the sheets, first try a subtle approach. Playfully lament how much you miss his or her trademark move in bed, whether it’s a turn, twist, or tweak. A friendly reminder that it takes two to tango may be all that’s required. If that doesn’t work, go for a more straightforward approach. Gently tell your partner that you’ve noticed he or she doesn’t show the same initiative and ask why. If no explanation is forthcoming (and if you’re certain there are no medical issues), be honest about how his or her lack of enthusiasm in bed is taking the fun out of sex for you, too. If your partner is invested in your relationship, he or she will step up to the passion plate. Meanwhile, it may be a good time to review your own rambunctiousness. A lazy partner isn’t worth the effort, in or out of bed.

2. Boredom.

Can you set your watch to when he’ll turn you over? Do you see her kiss coming a mile away? Long-term sex with the same person can eventually become predictable. And while there’s something comforting about sexual familiarity, it can breed contempt if it’s the only dish on the menu. To break out of bedroom boredom, experiment with different positions, focus on improving your sexual skills, or surprise your partner by telling him or her an erotic fantasy or dirty dream to kick-start your sexual imaginations. Change the way you behave in bed. If you’re usually quiet, wake up the neighbors. If you’re usually vocal, tone it down. If you’re typically slow and steady, pick up the pace. For added buzz, hide a sex toy under your partner’s pillow, whether it’s a high-tech vibrator, a feather tickler or a warming/cooling lubricant.

3. Ignoring the Connection between Emotional and Physical Intimacy.

Theway a couple treats each other outside of the bedroom has a direct effect on the quality of their love life. Nasty, nagging and negative partners rarely enjoy five-star sex. Strengthen your relationship by improving communication, prioritizing couple time, making your partner feel appreciated, and approaching conflict with humility, an open-mind and a team-player mentality. Replace the criticism or contempt in your voice with a respectful, affectionate tone. Do the “little things” that you know will help your partner have a happier day. It’s your best bet for a hotter night.

4. Electronic Interlopers.

Laptops, tablets, iProducts and smartphones have a way of sneaking into the bedroom and e-undermining a couple’s private downtime. When you reply to a text or update your Facebook status instead of snuggling your sweetheart, you inadvertently send the message that your partner is not as interesting or important as the person on the other end of whatever gadget is in your hand. Make your bedroom a technology-free zone. Charge your cell phone on the kitchen counter and leave your laptop in the living room. Reclaim your bedroom for the two of you.

5. A Negative Body Image. 

Body changes are inevitable in long-term relationships. We get pregnant and give birth. We age. We gain weight and lose our hair. Health problems and everyday stress also take their toll on the body. Our fitness levels go up and down. These changes can make couples self-conscious about their bodies, prompting them to cover up more and have sex less. To improve body image, couples should share a healthy lifestyle. As importantly, they should continue to compliment each other’s appearance and desirability. Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.

6. Disparate Sex Drives.

If you’re the one with a naturally higher sex drive, don’t pester your partner, whine when you don’t get it, criticize their lower drive or threaten to get sex elsewhere. Act like a grown-up. If your drive is exceptionally high, some “alone time” can take the pressure off your partner. If you’re the one with the lower drive, recognize that there is a connection between physical and emotional intimacy, and that your partner’s reasonable and respectful requests for sex are important to your bond as a loving, long-term couple. There is no magic number. The key is balance.

7. Missing the Connection between Mental and Physical Arousal.

Most intimacy guides stress the importance of better techniques, new positions and sex toys, all things that make sex feel better. That’s fantastic, but it’s only half the equation. Couples should also focus on stimulating the largest sex organ — the brain. Sex is at its best when partners are both mentally and physically turned on.

8. Exhaustion.

Good old-fashioned fatigue is a leading bedroom complaint of today’s busy couples. To combat it, approach your bedtime routine as a team. Ask what you can do to help your partner power down without powering out. You can finish the supper dishes, put the kids to bed or give your partner some space to finish his or her work files. If your schedules are similar, you should be going to bed at the same time. Not only does it increase your chances of being intimate, it shows your partner that you’re in it together

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